Well the positives first.
I'm here. I'm still in it (haven't gone off the deep end...yet). I made it through another 2 hr set of music. There are a few negatives as well. I wasn't as prepared as I thought for my set. I pushed myself and my stress levels too far, and paid the price with a not-so-refreshing night's rest. It's all done now, beyond control, but I can't help myself but reflect on it, and it's important that I keep an honest reflection.
Some things are so impossible.
At least they seam that way to me. I used to love repeating the old Adidas catchphrase "Impossible is Nothing". Turns out there ARE impossibilities in life. I've learned that the hard way. I tried so hard to be a great quarterback in high school. Put so much effort into being an extrovert, the popular guy. Now, it's music and getting healthy. Is it possible for me to ever be fully healthy again? To have a full-time career as a musician? I don't know, but I know within those dreams there are certain realities that are next to impossible for me. Like right next it, spooning with it.
So, I adjust.
And adjust and adjust and readjust until I've made more adjustments than a chiropractor. I give to God the things that are out of my hands (which is A LOT) and focus on what I can do. And even that is gonna shift and shape as time goes by. But I can't let the change and the impossibilities and the bitter truths eat me alive. I have to stay grounded in my reality, getting stronger with every failure and doing my best to keep the positives alive.